Saturday, May 30, 2009

After Life!!!


I always used to wonder some years back... how it would feel when i will get married and if change will happen what all it shall affect... I always had a doubt on my temper, my communication and my expectations... For long now i had been living with a shell around me, and there are absolutely few people i communicate my heart to... Making someone a part of it was the scariest thing i could have ever dreamt of...

I started off cautiously and its working out fine till now... There are lot of strings attached to this special relation... Friends and Work being the most critical... Although, I feel i am a responsible guy who can manage things, it's something i have to listen from people around me...

At work i am the same old person... pulling legs, aggressive in getting things done... and ya pretty much the same person... When it comes to friends... I guess people in the same geographies had to suffer... But they are very few actually... :D as i am a big miser when it comes to spend time outside work... But now i feel things have settled mostly...

I have to start playing... and yeah i have to go for a long drive... that had to wait for long... lemme see when i can make it happening...

Now i feel this is an "After Life" for me... and hope i can make it better...


Independent Vs Detached

Is it that confusing??? I dunno... but yeah now i feel there is a real thin line between the two... This question came in my mind 2-3 days back... and then i asked myself dozens of questions... Some of them are still un-answered, hopefully it gets some logical findings.

Being Independent according to me shall be the ability to carry your own self and things around you in a subtle responsible way in all the normal circumstances... And yes of course there are moments when you need a person who has the ability to hear it out if not help ya in a problem... Which is no wrong... Where as being Detached according to me shall be getting just involved in yourself, and trying to avoid sharing things consciously or sub-consciously.

Its simple to state may be... but am sure one who goes through things it can be a different perspective all together...

Dilemma!

Its a long time now... yups thats how i feel... yes its ages now!!! I have seen it all... Yes am aware there is loads to watch and be a mute spectator of. I have grown and that too a lot... and with that my stupidity... my hopelessly optimistic behavior... Oh come on am not in a negative mood... Its just a mood am trying to shed over in this post... again being hopelessly optimistic... ya thats an irony... ;o)

Long back i wrote a post about "Life is recursive" and last night i slept thinking about the same. There are loads of incidents in ones life where in you just feel that no matter what happens i would never like to see myself standing in the same situation... You make promises to yourself, you pray to god... you accept things the way they are... you do tons of things... And after a healing time, you come back to senses and years after you look back and smile at your own inability to solve a situation.

I have seen and met a lot of people... I have seen some of them change with time and without time... These people take "caring" as "intruding", "concern" as "over-protection" and sometimes people need their "own space". In all the cases i blame myself for it... Cuz in each and every case i had lost it long back and i was just being foolish to revive it or hoping things to change... Its not that my optimism saw always failure, there were turnarounds too... and that too some great ones.

Continuing to curse myself more here, Am horribly clumsy... and i should be stopped to speak to people at times. Cuz my language fail to fall inline with my emotions/feelings... And to all my bad luck those things trigger the change in people... Well in my defense i used to feel that those people were mine and they understand me inside out... well... in end i find out it was not the case... perhaps i should work more hard on my expression...

Its tough to express why i am writing all this... Actually i am confused... Just trying to find an answer "Am/Was i that BAD?"

Friday, May 15, 2009

Why am so senstive towards my workplace?

My first professional footsteps were at a place where in i felt at home and i grew learning things everyday... and I dunno when i got so attached to this place... It has already been close to 5.5 years now... and i still feel it was yesterday when i humbly began my work here.

People have given their life to make this place reach here, and in the process have sacrificed a lot... I will count myself in that club tooh... And am proud of it... Now the whole thing has transformed in a peculiar way... and it’s really difficult to justify and explain it here... Ok Lemme try...

There have been occasions when I was bugged by variety of reasons, and have thought of moving on... but every time I feel it... i get into some sorta discussion and things are settled for a period... Leaving this place is a huge decision and when someone hints it I get really wild at times... I dunno if it’s right or wrong... but it happens...

My responsibilities are increasing day by day... and am thinking everyday to make things better for people around me... Yet to answer how...

Have I Changed???


Have I changed??? That's one thing which I keep on asking myself since I got married. I am not sure about the answers, although some of them complaint of me being busy… I feel it was always the case… ;)

There has been lot of things happening in last month and a half, primarily cuz of marriage. Now things are settling, and am kind of used to of "ready lunch", things seen in a different angle than mine and kind of appreciating it, Am not working at home for a change… Spending less time in watching FRIENDS and Cricket ok lil time in Cricket... :D

I know marriage is the biggest event of life and things change after that but I dun see a point where in individual change… I would love to listen it back someday that... "You're still the same…"